Another Change of Direction

 

 Saturday 31 July 2021 

One week later and things have not improved. The fluey achey bones and fever symptoms lasted for 3 days but thankfully stopped then. The feeling full, nausea and swollen belly kept on getting worse. On Thursday I rang the help line and described my symptoms and they put me through to the Xray dept. “Have you ever had a drain love?” I was thinking that perhaps I had ascetis and an ultra sound scan would tell me what was going on. Luckily they could fit me in on Thursday morning. Alas and alack I did not have enough fluid to warrant a draining procedure. Whilst on the one hand I was relieved, on the other it meant there was no quick fix, I still had to waddle around with my big belly. These were the original symptoms I had endured a year ago just before my first session of chemo. Such a dispiriting idea that here I was a year on and the cancer was obviously growing once more.

My platelets had gone down to 63 once more.... aaaaah.... all the Papaya I could eat and umpteen bowls of bone broth was no match for the Gemcitabine. My CA125 which was 600 had gone up to 930. So the consultant has decided that my body cannot handle Gemcitabine, even at a lower dose (which she thought would make a difference). There has to be another plan. So now I have to wait for a face to face consultation on Tuesday and find out more about this next drug they want to try me on....Etoposide..... The one good thing is that they can give it to me in pill form. In theory once I get better I am not so constrained to so many appointments in Cardiff every week.

Tricky thing the mind, and handling expectations. I was so convinced that this drug would work and I would get well. It was a wrench to realise it was not working a week later and that my body could not handle the drug regime anyway. I always feel better when there is a plan, a marker in time when I will find things out, even if it is days away and I have to waddle around holding my belly in the meantime. A time line somehow squashes the fear of the unknown:- What is happening? Why is this happening? Is this normal in stage 4 ovarian cancer patients? Is it such a lottery which drugs work and which don't?

Here's hoping my clothes still fit me by Tuesday's meeting. I tell myself take a day at a time and don't think too far ahead.