Rosy Cheeks and Treacle

 

Wednesday 9 September 2020 

As per usual the first 3 days after chemo are ok because I imagine the body is still full of steroids of one sort of another. So the energy is ok and no pain. Day 3 was strange because I had incredibly rosy cheeks and my temperature was dropping then going back up again. I did ring the help line and check with the nurse but as I was only 1 degree off I was OK. Later on in the day my body seemed to calm down a bit. I had hot rosy cheeks all day though. There is that thing of waiting to see if some dreadful side effect is going to manifest itself any minute now? The tricky part is coming off steroids back on to no pain killers (which I tried for a day). Yesterday was a strange day where I felt that my breathlessness had started to come back. I had plans to do stuff but in the end spent time reading and sleeping on my bed.

Today bright and bushy tailed I had plans but strangely every time I got up to do something I felt like I was moving through treacle and very breathless. A simple thing like walking down the road seemed like and enormous effort. Wrapped in face mask and scarf covering my bald head I feel completely overdressed and fussy. That whole thing where I have plans to do something but I've just got to realise perhaps today might not be the day to do it. Perhaps tomorrow or the next day even. These kind of thoughts are pretty alien to me. I feel like a petulant 6 year old who wants to do what I want to do....... NOW THIS MINUTE !

So to patience.... give me patience and acceptance.

In attempting to help my son place a bike rack on the wall I lifted up his bike to measure it but then was overcome with giggles because I just could not hold it up or breathe. I walked a few steps away and then had to sit down and recover. The more I sat down the more I giggled and then my son started giggling at my sorry state. Then the both of us were in absolute hysterics, weeping with laughter. I got up to walk back into the house ( all of 10 steps ) then had to sit down again and recover and was overtaken by hysterics again. Every time I got up and walked a few steps I wanted to giggle because I could not breathe ..... hah how strange. We gave up on the bike rack and decided to put the bike somewhere else ha ha.

Each day I have to remind myself that I get just a little better..... my breath will come back!