YES the bad news knocked me for six. This time it took me about a week to come out of my doldrums and get on top of things again. Outwardly nobody would be able to see but I had this feeling of doom and gloom and a black cloud hanging over me with an undertow of 'what's the point of anything'. I resorted to watching endless episodes of Silent Witness and reading a book from cover to cover in a day, anything so I did not have to face up to reality. Distraction distraction distraction. The thing is...... the news was not new. I knew this was the process right from my first diagnosis a year ago. They have a number of drugs to try and if one does not work they move onto the next one. It was more devastating because initially it seemed to be working and I made all these plans which just cruelly evaporated into thin air.
In the process of coming out of my well of self pity I did remember how loved and supported I feel on this journey. How many extraordinary wonderful creative people I know and have known and worked with in my life. It has been a rich tapestry of experiences. If I don't have that much time left then I cherish and celebrate my life so far and all who I have come across not forgetting the myriads of NHS workers who have guided me through a year of treatments and will be there for this next bit.
Big Love!! XXX
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